At the moment, I'm not really sure how to approach this. The super rational part of my mind says that if the present climate of a relationship is different from the past, accept it and don't look back.
Right.
Like communism, this is great in theory, but isn't really going to work out too well for the planning committee. I'm pretty sure that in moments of great emotional upheaval, the rational portion of the brain gets squeezed down to a corner where it's faint screams can be quietly heard, but are not listened to. Now, is it time to go all Elin Woods? No. This is not the same situation, but I don't judge her for what she did, not remotely.
The thing that seems to escape us, as people, is the reality that the present will soon be the past. The past always catches up to us, and will infect the present that we are then in. ITS A CYCLE PEOPLE. If you don't want to keep going 'round and 'round, then get off the damn ride. If you're on your own, self-contained, merry-go-round...well by all means, take your time with your dismount. For the most part, however, people's cycle of straight up stupidity spans several counties, sometimes states, before it ends.
If there is a secret that you are hell bent on keeping, don't write it down. If you like to fabricate stories that include real people and spin the details to make yourself look like a freaking pimp... adopt the tradition of the spoken word. Don't send out e-mail blasts to all your best buddies - this will not end well for you, I promise. Eventually your words will reach the wrong person, or the right person depending upon how you look at it, and there's really not a damn thing you can do about that. Once the truth is revealed, you will then be at their mercy, and the mercy of all their friends since the forward button is so fucking fun to press.
When words are harsh, and even hurtful, no matter how loud they are said, they still take a backseat to anything that is written down. I have a friend who was once informed via facebook message by a random girl that her pseudo-boyfriend had been cheating on her with this girl and actually got her pregnant. Now, that information is difficult enough to learn, or hear, but to read it from an unknown source and have it there for constant reference and reminder burns the moment into your permanent memory. The visual approach can't be shaken off.
While facebook is a mating ground for drama and regrettable public archives, email is still the killer. Emails contain more content (personal content), and can be searched by single words or topics dating back to the accounts creation. Hi people, RED FLAG. Anything that archives words you have written, drunk or sober, documenting the date and time you did it is something to be approached with caution. And fear.
I say this to both the typer and the reader. Remember, curiosity killed the cat. Be sure that you actually want to know the answer to the question that begs your attention. If you are not a thoroughly schooled deletion artist, you better get someone to help you, cause at one point or another, someone is probably going to find your email open, and go to town. Now, if you are the sneak attack email ninja (or think that you are) I urge you to proceed with cation. Ask yourself what you are really accomplishing. If you plan on taking this information to the grave, and pleading the 5th if ever interrogated about your guilt... well ask yourself how much of your sanity you are willing to put up in exchange for harboring this dark secret. Sometimes ignorance truly is bliss, and it is my experience that the details of the situation are far from important. If there is something so seriously wrong with a relationship or person in your life, that you are willing to break trust and go to crazytown with your informational hunger... you've already hit the red zone, and will be better off walking away without hurting yourself any more.
Eventually, the truth always comes out. Terrifying for both the secret keeper and the seeker, because at the end of the day, one, if not both parties is going to get hurt. This is when you hope to have the memory of a goldfish so you can take a 10 second time out and carry on all shiney and new. Doesn't happen that way though. Memories of emotionally traumatic events are the most powerful and everlasting sources of anxiety, and that thoroughly unwelcome feeling that you were just kicked in the stomach.
So, back to the question. If the past is in the past, what is the point in unearthing the dark secrets that linger in it's corners? Temporary gratification, yes, but it will be immediately overwhelmed with the stronger feelings of guilt and anger, mixed with sadness and slight homicidal rage. NOT HEALTHY. Forget the dark corners, move forward. If the present corners of your life seem to be harboring the darkness of the past, they probably are. Leave the details behind, leave everything behind, and find a new place with bright corners, and maybe a bottle of wine. No one said it would be easy, but save yourself the mental anguish. You're only going to be in this present once, don't waste it on reading someone else's life. Live your own.
